1800AKATSUKI
by Blue-10-Spades
Summary: Because nobody wanted to date the anger management, turrets suffering girl, Sakura Haruno decided to take matters into her own hands. Perhaps calling the number written in the girls' bathroom of the psyche ward was not the best option.
1. The Call

1-800-AKATSUKI

Because nobody wanted to date the anger management, turrets suffering girl, Sakura Haruno decided to take matters into her own hands. Perhaps calling the number written in the girls' bathroom of the psyche ward was not the best option.

Pairing: SakuraAkatsuki

* * *

"And how are you feeling today Sakura?"

Sakura looked up to her therapist, a man wearing a tweed suit, his hair combed haphazardly to the side – a majority of it sticking up at odd angles – and gave him her most innocent look.

"Happy," She said with an akward smile, her mouth twisting to form the expression she rarely used. As it was, she was more used to scowling at people. Her therapist, Kakashi Hatake as his nameplate read, gave her a blank stare – quite the feat with only a third of his face being shown, the rest covered by a wool scarf and eye patch – and shook his head.

"Sakura, I can't help you if you don't answer truthfully."

Sakura's fake smile morphed into her customary frown, the muscles relaxing after straining to maintain the fake expression.

"Why do you care what I say, huh?" She grouched to the man behind his desk. "You're getting paid either way." Kakashi leaned back in his chair, his lone eye situated on her form.

Sakura felt the familiar tingles of a twitch bubbling in her stomach and tried to repress it.

"I really only want to help you Sakura," The silver haired man spoke softly, a hand reaching up to comb through his unruly locks. Sakura felt the twitch growing stronger, her hands fidgeting in her lap, but Sakura clamped down on it. Kakashi noticed her ministrations and stared at her blankly, waiting for the impending "twitch" – as Sakura called it – to happen so that they may continue the session.

Sakura stared back, her face going red with the effort it took to keep herself still.

"Sakura let it out."

She narrowed her eyes at him as her fists clenched in her lap.

"It's really not healthy to hold it in like that."

She breathed out slowly, the air coming out ragged. Her body was shaking from the effort it took to hold it in.

"Saku—"

"DONKEY BALLS! FUCKING HELL, DONKEY BALLS!"

Sakura was embarrassed to see spittle fly out of her mouth and land on Kakashi's hand. For his part, the man made no indication of noticing it to which Sakura was grateful. Despite her resentment towards this man, Sakura had to admit he was the best therapist she had so far. Her last therapist, Orochimaru was a freak she'd be all to willing to forget.

"Do you feel better?" He asked her calmly as her face returned to its natural pale color. She swiped her long pink hair behind her ear and nodded her head.

"Much. Thanks." She said as afterthought, for what she wasn't sure. Perhaps for dealing with her aggressive personality and unruly ways. Sakura would be the first to admit that it took a special kind of person to deal with her eccentricities. Too bad she hasn't found that special person yet. As it was, Kakashi was the closest thing she had to a friend right now.

"Why do you hold in your twitches like that Sakura?"

Sakura scrunched her nose up in distaste.

"Were you not here 5 seconds ago? My twitches scare people and I get enough dirty looks in the hallway already." Kakashi jotted something down and Sakura instantly regretted what she said. Her goal was to be free of these weekly therapist visits, not become a lifetime member.

Her first visit to the therapist happened when she was seven and first suffering from her outbursts. Her parents had no explanation for it and chalked it up to her simply being difficult. But her outburst came frequently and no amount of scolding from her parents could make her stop it. So she was diagnosed with ADD and sent to her first therapist, Hiruzen Sarutobi. He was a nice, very old, very wrinkly man.

But he was understanding and Sakura would forever love him for that. He was the first to realize that Sakura's condition was more than a case of ADD. A visit to the doctors later and Sakura was accurately diagnosed with turrets. Her parents cried a lot after that but she couldn't understand why. That is until she entered high school and learned firsthand just how cruel teenagers could really be.

It was after one particularly vicious bullying session by her personal tormenter Ami that something snapped in her brain. Blacking out she regained consciousness to find Ami laying at her feet, bruised and bloodied, a crowd encircling them.

She, to this day, could not remember what she had done. But that was when kids started shying away from her, groups huddling closer when she passed them in the hallway, and when her cowed demeanor changed to a tougher, wilder one. She was administered anger management after that incident, her principle, Tsunade being quite adamant in the matter.

Personally, Sakura thought she was one to talk. That lady was famed for having to replace furniture as frequently as one would change their clothes.

And now, ten years and three therapist later, here she was talking to a man who had issues with showing his face.

He was staring at her again and she bared her teeth and barked at him. That would be her barking twitch, one of the many she had. After barking at him a few more times she coughed uncomfortably, always embarrassed by her outburst – even if it was just Kakashi – and looked at him meekly.

"May I go to the bathroom?"

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As Sakura sat on the toilet seat cover of the girls' bathroom she pondered on her life thus far. Middle school hadn't been that bad. In fact she had her own little group of friends at the time. Ino Yamanaka being her best friend.

But the entrance into high school had changed everything. Ino wanted a fresh start and hanging with Sakura was considered social suicide to the popular persona she was trying to emanate. And thus Sakura was dropped like a fly, replaced by a girl named Karin.

Sakura still saw Ino at school as they were the same age and had the same classes. But Ino had changed from being her best friend to being one of her worst tormentors. And Karin was always there to egg her on.

After Ino left her, her group of friends started to dwindle until only she was left. But Sakura believed that she wouldn't need them anymore once she obtained the boyfriend everyone spouted about getting once they entered high school.

And she had her sights set on the aloof Sasuke Uchiha. He was a loner just like her and Sakura knew just by looking at him that they were meant for each other.

And so it was with much courage and nervousness that Sakura walked up to Sasuke when he was at his locker room.

She trembled as she looked at him, her mouth trying to form the words she was thinking. And suddenly Karin was there, kissing him, as Sakura stared on dumbfounded. And then her fainting twitch happened and Sakura fell flat on her back, the rest of the school laughing at the weird girl Sakura.

Sasuke stared at her like she was trash as he passed over her and Karin smirked.

Sakura felt like clawing her eyes out.

She took the one boy she wanted and left her pining for affection for the next three years of high school. No one wanted to date the anger management, turrets suffering girl.

Sakura sighed and pressed her palms over her eyes.

Here she was, moping over the woes of high school life in a bathroom. So what if no one wanted to date her. She would find her own man.

Standing up from the seat, she reached forward to unlock the door and stopped.

Written in the corner of the door was a small message, the bold marks of a sharpie standing out against the navy blue door.

Sakura squinted to read it.

_**Akatsuki men at your service**_

_**1-800-AKATSUKI**_

Sakura snorted when she saw this. But still, she found her hand reaching for her cell despite herself. What would it hurt to give them a call? If anything it would provide some entertainment for her dreary life.

And with that Sakura dialed the number on the door.

"Hello?"

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"What up bitch?"

Sakura pulled back her phone to stare at it incredulously. Yes, she dialed the right number.

"Yo, hoe, speak into the phone. I can't hear a damn thing you're saying."

"U-um," Sakura stuttered out, "Would this happen to be Akatsuki?"

Sakura could hear a scuffle in the background before a new, more monotonous voice replaced the first.

"Who's asking?"

"Well I saw your message on the bathroom door—"

"What did you want? Us to track someone down? Beat someone? Kill them?"

Sakura could feel her eyes pop open wide. Who the hell did she call?

"Um, I think I made some type of mistake…"

There was a pause on the other side of the phone before the first voice came back.

"I know where this is going," the voice chuckled and Sakura felt a shiver run up her spine, "What kind of fuck were you looking for? We have blondes, blues, orange and an abundance of black haired men. I myself have silver bitchin' hair if you were curious."

Sakura could only gape silently at how this conversation was going.

"Oh were you looking for an orgy fest? That's gonna cost some big money, and a lot of beat—convincing on my part, but I'm sure we'll come up with something."

She hung up the phone.

Standing there for a few seconds, she exited the bathroom stall and went to wash her hands. She was interrupted from drying her hands by the soft vibration coming from her phone. She answered it without really thinking.

"What the fuck!" The voice from earlier screamed in her ear. Sakura felt her stomach drop when she realized she'd forgotten to hide her number when she dialed akatsuki. She hung up the phone again, shutting it off for good measure.

Exiting the bathroom she halted in her tracks when she came face to face with a man with lavender eyes and slicked back silver hair. He had a cell phone to his ear and a frown on his face.

"Yo," he growled out, "you the bitch that hung up on me?"

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Sakura stared at the frowning man.

"Ugh…" She drawled out and then felt a twitch surfacing. Rearing her hand back she delivered a solid punch to his chin, sending him to a sprawling mess.

Someone cackled in the background and she whipped around to see Ino. Or whom she thought was Ino. The guy or girl—she wasn't really sure – smirked mirthfully at what just happened.

And suddenly Sakura was looking at him from a whole different angle when she finds herself hefted up to be held perpendicular over the floor.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU SLUT!" She hears the silver haired mans voice below her as he holds her over his head like a weight to be benched. She flails her legs wildly and claws at the hands which hold her up.

She can see a black haired man with a swirled mask come from behind the blonde Ino look alike, rush towards them. He impacts with the silver haired man (who grunts at the force) and Sakura feels herself falling backwards. Her head collides with something hard and she loses consciousness.

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"Tobi, you ass. You killed her."

"Tobi didn't mean to Deidara! Tobi just wanted to give Hidan a hug!"

"Well you knocked that whore out too."

"Enough squabbling. Where'd pinky come from anyway?"

"I don't know. I turn a corner to find her punching Hidan and that's it. I think he tried to grope her or something, yeah. Wouldn't be the first time."

"And you didn't see anything Kakuzu?"

"I was busy counting my money."

"You mean the money you swiped off Hidan, yeah."

"He doesn't need it right now."

Sakura felt a pounding ache in the back of her head which she tried to ignore. What she couldn't ignore was the bark that left her mouth.

"Um…the girl just barked."

"God Tobi…you permanently damaged the poor girl."

"Tobi's soooorrrryyy!"

And that's what Sakura woke up to. A masked man wailing on the Ino look a like while a stitched up man counted money and an orange haired man stared at her impassively. They were situated in one of the lounges situated in the psyche ward. The silver haired man was sprawled haphazardly on a nearby couch, while she rested on her own.

"Hello," the orange haired man said calmly, casually, "my name is Pein and currently you are my hostage until Hidan wakes up or I see fit."

She stared at him before jumping up and sprinting to the door. An arm wrapped around her waist and she was again hefted up but this time to someone's (manly) chest.

Said man dropped her down on the couch she just escaped from and Sakura turned to see a black haired man with obsidian eyes and a startling resemblance to her classmate Sasuke.

"Hn," he said softly in perfect imitation to the young Uchiha.

"Who's the chick?" A new voice entered the fray and Sakura looked to the door to see a giant, BLUE, man pass though the threshold. A much smaller, red haired man followed after him.

And suddenly they were surrounding her and Sakura was too outnumbered to fight them back.

Sometimes, in very rare occasions, her fainting twitch came in handy.

* * *

Because everyone deserves someone. Sakura deserves multiple someone's.

Just a small two-shot I decided to make. Shouldn't be any longer than that.

_The Call-Complete_

**April 8, 2012**

**REVIEW! Please...**


	2. Meet My Friend

1-800-AKATSUKI

Because nobody wanted to date the anger management, turrets suffering girl, Sakura Haruno decided to take matters into her own hands. Perhaps calling the number written in the girls' bathroom of the psyche ward was not the best option.

Pairing: SakuraAkatsuki

* * *

"Mom?"

The blonde haired woman in question peered down at her young ten year old daughter from her position in front of the sink.

"Yes, Sakura?" She asked while wiping her soapy hands on a nearby dish towel. Her daughter furrowed her brows as she wrung the front of her apple green t-shirt.

"Is…is there something wrong with me?" Her daughter asked hesitantly before tilting her head down to let her pastel pink bangs fall in front of her face. Her mother gently tilted her face up.

"Why told you that?" Her mother asked in a stern manner that, while not directed at her, made her feel as if she did something wrong. Sakura shuffled her feet.

"Someone at school…" Sakura muttered not knowing how to explain that it was cousin Megumi that had covertly whispered to Sakura one day that she was "not normal". Megumi had said that she was only letting Sakura know now so it didn't come as a shock later. And Sakura had readily believed her because she could tell that people treated her differently than most.

But she wasn't sure what exactly was wrong with her and she was still to timid to ask any of her peers or teachers. And her father was on a business trip so that left her mother.

Mebuki sighed as she brushed her fingers over Sakura's hair.

"There's nothing wrong with you Sakura."

"But…why doesn't anyone like me?"

"Who say's no one likes you? I like you and so does daddy. And what about Ino? I'm sure she likes you otherwise she wouldn't have given you that ribbon." She says while pointing to the red ribbon Sakura had tied at the end of her braid.

Her daughter fell silent and stared at the ribbon thoughtfully.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Sakura?"

"Do you think a boy could like me too?" Mebuki watched as a blush dusted her daughters pale cheecks and laughed heartily.

"I think," She said while stroking her daughters heated cheek fondly, "that boys will be crazy for you."

_._

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Sakura slowly roused from her sleep due to gentle prodding against her face. She ignored it at first but found it difficult when a voice permeated through her hazy brain.

"…ke up." It said shortly followed by another prod to her cheek. She groaned and dragged an arm made heavy from exhaustion over her eyes.

"…ake up, please." Something tweaked her nose and Sakura groaned.

_Leave me alone_ she wanted to say but found it to be too much work to open her mouth.

"Pretty lady, please wake up. Tobi needs to use the bathroom but can't leave you here with Hidan!" The voice said, screeching the last part into her ear. Sakura jerked up before promptly reeling back after feeling a hard knock against her skull. She hissed through her teeth and looked through squinted eyes at the perpetrator.

His head was tilted downwards and she watched as a gloved hand rubbed furiously against short spiky hair.

"That really hurt, pretty lady." The voice, now connected to the man before her, cried out before looking up at her. Sakura was met with a swirly orange mask with a single hole for an eye. While not the oddest thing she'd seen in here, it was possibly up there with the man who liked to dress like a Swedish bar maid and sing Christmas carols.

As the man continues to rub his head Sakura took the chance to look around. She was still in the room she fell unconscious in except it now lacked most of the previous occupants. The man with the slicked back silver hair was still sprawled on the couch perpendicular to her and she cast him a weary glance. He was still out thankfully and Sakura found that now was the perfect opportunity to escape.

Only when she tried to push herself up she found that her left wrist was handcuffed.

To swirly man's right wrist.

"The hell?" She cried indignantly while tugging furiously at her handcuffs. Swirly man lurched forward, his face somehow nestling itself between her breasts.

"Argh!" She screeched like a pirate before using her free hand to rip the man away.

"Tobi didn't mean to!" He cried out as he tried to cower behind his left hand.

"Who the hell is Tobi!" She asked angrily while giving the man a rough nuggy to the head.

"Me, me!" He cried pitifully as he tried to twist away from her hand.

Sakura felt a twitch coming up and paused to let her shoulders shrug up and down several times. Tobi looked at her curiously and reached out to hold her shoulders in place, his right hand dragging her left in the process.

"Is pretty lady ok?" He asked, hands pressed firmly against her shoulders.

"_Is Sakura ok?" Kizashi asked the doctor, his hands firm against her jostling form._

"I'm fine," she said softly, suddenly feeling subdued. Tobi stared at her before suddenly snatching his hands back embarrassedly.

"Um, pretty lady—"

"Sakura. I'm Sakura."

"—Can we go to the bathroom? Tobi has to go real bad!" He said urgently while squirming in his crouched position. Sakura pulled herself up from the couch.

"Do you have the key?" She asked indicating to their cuffed hands.

"No, Kakuzu-sempai has the key."

Sakura stared at him before her face went into its grimacing twitch. It repeated this three times before she found herself standing and tugging Tobi up with her. Who she found was really tall as he towered over her small form. She pulled on the cuffs and watched as Tobi trailed behind her.

"Let's find a bathroom then I guess."

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"Hidan, you lazy bitch, wake up!" Deidara cried wile delivering a swift kick to the sleeping male. Hidan screeched as his limbs flailed everywhere before he toppled to the floor face first.

"What the fuck." The silver haired man growled angrily, voice slightly muffled from the floor.

"You let the girl get away!" Deidara accused him while stomping on the mans rear.

The group had parted ways earlier to go and get some lunch, thus leaving Hidan and Tobi with the girl. They figured Tobi, while not really all there, would be a suitable enough guard over Hidan and the girl. But they cuffed Tobi and the girl together just in case. And now fifteen minutes later found the room missing two of its previous occupants.

"The girl?" Hidan said, baffled.

"Yes, the girl who knocked you out." Pein intoned while sipping his tea. Itachi sat next to him and was munching on a rice ball.

"The girl." Hidan repeated angrily as recognition flitted across his features.

"The one who got away." Kisame said from where he leaned against the wall. He smirked showing off his sharp teeth.

"We need to find her," Hidan growled out as he pushed himself off the floor. He jabbed his elbow into Deidara's solar plexus and ignored how he fell to the floor. "I need to get my revenge."

"Revenge will cost us time." Kakuza said as he swirled his chopsticks around his miso ramen. Hidan scoffed at his statement.

"Yes, it will be pointless at this time." Pein agreed with Kakuzu.

"Who knows when Madara will take over Tobi. She might be dead by the time we find her."

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"Are you done yet?" Sakura asked for the third time as she stood with her back to Tobi. After several failed attempts to find the mens bathroom, Sakura finally had to drag Tobi down to the first level as she knew it better than the second level (the level they were on). Now they were in the men's bathroom and Sakura was trying hard not to let the awkwardness of the situation creep into her.

"Almost done!" Tobi sang as he stood in front of the urinal. Sakura tried to ignore the pouring noise coming from behind her.

"Sakura," Tobi called and Sakura had to stop the automatic response to turn around.

"Yes, Tobi?"

"Why are you here?" He was talking about the psyche ward but Sakura chose to feign confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"The psyche ward. Why are you here?" The pouring noise died till it was a slow trickle and then just a few drops.

"I'm sick in the head Tobi. Isn't that why anyone comes here?" She asked sarcastically. A zipper being pulled up was heard before Tobi flushed the urinal.

"I don't think your sick in the head." He said softly just as she felt something touch her hair.

"Wash your hands!" She screeched pulling away from Tobi.

After Tobi finally washed his hands and pulled his gloves back on they left the mens bathroom. Sakura waited to be pulled back to the lounge they left from but Tobi merely scratched his head hesitantly.

"Well?" She prompted him.

"Um…Tobi doesn't remember where to go?" He said hesitantly as Sakura turned to glare at him.

"B-but Tobi has a friend that can show us!" He said hurriedly in an effort to placate her.

"A friend?" Sakura said hesitantly thinking of the friends who knocked her out and kidnapped her. Tobi sensed her hesitation.

"This friend is really nice!" He claimed. "He stays on the third floor in his room all the time." Sakura felt unsure still but she found that Tobi was nicer than he appeared and believed she could trust him.

"Ok," She agreed while nodding her head. They walked towards the elevator before a thought came to Sakura's mind.

"Hey Tobi? Why are you in the psyche ward?" Tobi, who lagged behind her smiled, his back straightening and shoulders squaring.

"Oh you know Sakura," he began; his voice an octave lower than it was before. "I'm just sick in the head." Sakura laughed at him and Madara's smile grew wider under the orange mask.

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"Hidan." The silver haired man turned to the shorter man who addressed him.

"What is it, Itachi?" Hidan growled, still in a foul mood. He was itching to get revenge and his target was still missing with Tobi. Deidara spent a good twenty minutes blaming Hidan for losing the girl and Tobi which further agitated him and now he really needed some type of release. This is why he was currently carving patterns into his skin with his hidden pocket knife.

"I'm leaving to find the girl." Hidan looked up curiously to the stoic Uchiha. Usually Itachi didn't like to get involved in anyone's business and left things to play out on his own. The only time he intervened was when his little brother came into question.

"Why?" He asked, arching a brow and stowing away his pocket knife. The blood on his arm trailed lazily to the floor and Hidan pressed his sleeve against it to clot the flow.

"I believe she will be an asset to the group."

"How do you figure that?" Itachi said nothing, choosing instead to walk towards the lounge entrance. He spotted Kisame trailing after him and scowled.

_If anyone's getting the girl it's me_, he thought as he followed after the two.

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Tobi and Sakura walked down the long hallway in silence, the only noise being the soft clicks of their shoes against the tile. Sakura had never walked on the third floor as it was rumored to hold all the really mental patients. The ones that killed people and kept their corpses' and crap.

"This is the room," Tobi said while pointing to a nondescript door, the numbers 312 painted in the center. Sakura watched as he twisted the handle before pushing the door open. It was dark inside and Sakura felt her stomach drop. Something felt wrong about this place but Tobi pulled her in regardless.

"Sakura," Tobi said softly, "meet my friend Zetsu." He said while pointing to a bed in the corner. Something large was situated on it and Sakura felt tightness in her throat.

"_Sakura, you should never go to the third floor." Kakashi scolded her._

"_Why not?" She asked rebelliously crossing her arms over her chest. She had decided to skip today's session and went exploring instead. She had just made it to the third floor before Kakashi found her._

"_Sakura, you're still too young to understand—"_

"_I'm twelve," she replied hotly._

"_Still to young," he repeated firmly making Sakura scowl, "but there are very dangerous people up here."_

"_Dangerous like how?"_

"_Dangerous like killer's, rapists, and cannibals."_

"_Cannibals?" She asked curiously, not recognizing the word._

"_Cannibals are people that eat other people." Sakura gasped and reeled back in shock._

"_And one very notorious cannibal is up here." He said gesturing to the hallway they stood in._

"_Who's that?" She asked fearfully while shuffling closer to Kakashi._

"_His name is Zetsu."_

* * *

So I'm on my Christmas break and sick so I decided to update some stories. I've decided to extend this past a two-shot.

A special thanks to:

**L.M.D.A.A, Nee-han93, RawrGoesDaDino, my-madeup-world, Kiria4L, SereneButterfly23, lexypink1, Teacher's Secretary, strawberryMIKO, Tasha, XxVioletCatxX, crazyinwonderland, crazycherry459, hushnelle, Metautske, JeanyDeiXzz, and la canelle.**

_Meet My Friend-Complete_

**December 12, 2012**

**Review! Please…**


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